Moving to a new community: What I needed to know

When moving, we thrive when we feel like we belong

We relocate for many reasons

Moving happens: change of life, change of wife, change of scenery.

Sometimes, the last two are the same, and sometimes you’re not the one looking for the change. My plan is to keep the same address after my next marital performance review. I’m cautiously optimistic.

The average Canadian family moves five to seven times in a lifetime, while the average American family moves almost 12 times. I’m not sure why there’s such a difference, but maybe it’s that legendary risk-taking American frontier mentality.

I must be a real swashbuckling pioneer myself, then, as I’ve found myself moving 19 times, not counting a household relocation when I was 5. I’ve had every reason, including family (both parental and marital), post-secondary education, taking a break from post-secondary education, crappy neighbours, the need for a change and, finally, to achieve my dream of living next to the ocean.

As we age out of our current home in this, my “last quarter,” there is probably one more move to come. I hope to keep that one at bay for as long as possible.

Some moves have been easier than others…

When I first left my childhood home in Winnipeg at 18, I needed only a few basic items, since the suite I’d rented was furnished. The same was true when I moved back in with my parents a few months later.

In contrast, when I moved to Edmonton a year later, I hauled numerous items over that 1,300-km trek in a truck far larger than I needed (I’ve never been good at estimating volume and size), underdressed for the teeth-chattering -33°C November weather that plagued my adventurous friends and me all the way there. That was a special challenge.

Five years later, when I moved back to Winnipeg for a few months (between university degrees), I didn’t take nearly as much with me as I had brought and did it at a much more agreeable time of year. What I did need, I shipped, including my motorcycle. Much easier all around.

…and a couple have been downright strange

A couple of my relocations were interesting. One involved moving in with a couple of girls during university. It was purely platonic, but their parents were simply never comfortable with it. So, two months later, I found myself having to move yet again. I guess that’s what friends with trucks are for.

The other occurred when I separated from my first wife. She and I had bought a house with a basement suite in Edmonton, which we later sold to a friend of hers because we found an acreage outside the city.

Some years later, when the marriage ended and I needed to move somewhere else, guess what was available. Yep – the basement suite in the house we used to own. Weird doesn’t even begin to describe living there.

The idea of community changes throughout our lives

Each move – and each “wifetime” among my three marriages – has its own stories, but all have been instructive regarding what it takes to settle comfortably into a new community.

Of course, your “community” matters less when you’re younger; all you want to do is crank up the tunes and have your friends over.

But it matters a great deal as we get older, first when you have a young family and want your kids to thrive and later, when it may be just the two (or even only one) of you and you want a different kind of connection with those around you.

So, in all my moves, what did I discover about the best ways to forge that sense of connection?

#1: Move where you already know people

Makes for a comfortable transition

This can make the difference between feeling connected to those around you and always feeling like a stranger.

When I left my childhood home in 1978 for what turned out to be the penultimate time, I moved to Edmonton. There, I not only already knew people but was able to join an active Ukrainian-Canadian community similar to the one I left behind in Winnipeg.

This made for a very comfortable transition, enabling me to get a job within that community as soon as I got there, meet more people by participating in sports and other activities, and generally feel at home right from the outset. In some ways, I didn’t change communities so much as I moved to a different part of the same one.

I often wonder how my life would have evolved had I moved somewhere where I didn’t have the immediate sense of connection I did in Edmonton.

When my (current and final) wife and I moved from Alberta to New Brunswick in 2019, we didn’t know a soul in the community where we settled. However, we did have family and friends elsewhere in the province, which is one of the reasons we moved here in the first place. We felt like we belonged before we even got here.

And if you don’t know anyone…

Of course, not everyone has the choice of where to move. Careers, family, and life choices can take us places where we know absolutely no one. That was the case when my last wife (or my “midwife” among the three, as I like to call her) and I moved to a small Alberta town because I wanted to expand my financial planning business in a rural area.

We made some new friends right away, but it wasn’t until I joined one of the area’s rec hockey teams later that year that I really had a chance to connect with people. I had a lot of fun—both on and off the ice—and made friends for life. It certainly helped me find a sense of belonging there.

#2: Immerse yourself in the culture – and the language

The best way to fit in is to fit in. “When in Rome” and all that.

I grant that this is easier to do in some circumstances than in others, but the quickest way to isolate yourself in a new community is not to show respect for the way of life of the people who are already there.

When we moved here to New Brunswick in 2019, we knew we were coming to a French-speaking community (we’d bought the house in 2014). Although we were not fluent in French, we were eager to fit in and show our respect for our Acadian neighbours, so we prepared accordingly before moving.

For instance, we’d invite our French-speaking friends over to converse in French as best we could. I also coached basketball in French at the Jeux Francophones de l’Alberta for three years and was even on the executive of the local L’Association canadienne-française de l’Alberta (l’ACFA)—all in preparation for living among people who spoke French as a way of life.

New Brunswick French turned out to be different from much of what we’d learned, but that didn’t mean we’d stop making the effort. Moreover, we have continually embraced the opportunity to partake of the vibrant Acadian culture, which enriches our lives in so many ways.

We wouldn’t have settled in here nearly as well if we’d cocooned ourselves when we arrived.

#3: Take the first steps

The challenge of language in a new community can easily be offset by making oneself available in other ways, such as volunteering to help at community events or just showing up and supporting things that matter to the people around you, such as the first day of the fall lobster season here.

When moving to a new community, some people expect others to knock on their door to offer a welcome. While that may happen occasionally, don’t expect miracles if you’re unwilling to get the ball rolling by putting yourself out there.

In my case, I’ve tried to find ways to participate in community life where my rudimentary Acadian French is less of an impediment. I do dishes at community breakfasts, help with events at the annual Festival du bon pêcheur, sell tickets at the Chasse-à-l’As, and am even on the board of the Centre communautaire.

We took the first steps and now feel well settled and connected in this New Brunswick Acadian community.

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We thrive when we feel like we belong, and we belong when we make the effort to do so (most of the time, anyway). Every move is an opportunity to adapt and grow, and we lose out if we wait for others to beat a path to our door.

Every change of scenery is pregnant with possibility – even the changes you’re not necessarily expecting.