"Last quarter" of life and the truth about regret

In the “last quarter,” accept who you are, and who you are not

Youthful nonsense

Watching King Charles deliver the Throne Speech in Canada’s Parliament the other day reminded me of a brief moment in university when I thought I might want to be Prime Minister of this vast, complex, and sometimes ungovernable land.

Now in my “last quarter,” I look back on that bit of youthful nonsense and realize I lacked talent, predisposition, upbringing, connections, oratorical skills, confidence, and ruthlessness.

Other than that, I was perfect for the job.

Of course, this hasn’t stopped others lacking one or more of the above from achieving that high office. Lord knows our country has had its share of mediocrities sitting behind the Prime Minister’s desk, but I would guess that each person who has done so brought at least one of those characteristics to the table. I digress.

(Here I resist the urge to draw comparisons with the leader of any other country in the western hemisphere. You can decide which country or countries I might mean.)

Hindsight, reflection, and brutal experience

But now that I’m in my “final quarter,” hindsight, self-reflection, and sometimes brutal experience have allowed me to consider what I was good at and what I sucked at (or would have sucked at) over the years. Accepting my limitations over the years has allowed me to become content with who I am at this point in my life and, more importantly, who I’m not.

Doesn’t mean I don’t have regrets — it just means that I have a clearer idea of who I’ve been all along and how that has led to what I’ve done — or not done — over time.

Brilliant doctor or flamboyant barrister?

Let me illustrate. My wife and I often watch medical shows (which can be a special kind of marital challenge if one’s spouse is a medical professional), so I often think, “Being a doctor would have been a cool career.” Then I remember that I’m not good with quick decisions, I’m not as competitive as I would need to be to get into medical school, and I wouldn’t have the confidence to excel at the job when lives were on the line. I can’t imagine that would’ve gone well.

Then, there’s the practice of law, particularly in thinking about being a barrister, a job always portrayed glamorously on TV.

I could easily have handled the academic side of a law career. I do well with analytical thinking, logic, and empathy, but the problem is that I’m not quick on my feet or ruthless enough. Perhaps I could have been an adequate solicitor but, even in that stream, there are skills you must be able to demonstrate while in law school. I’m not sure I would have managed those successfully.

Soldier, sailor, pilot?

I also think joining the military would have been an excellent idea when I was young. The issue there is that I apply my “final quarter” maturity and wisdom (such as they may be) to who I was as an 18-year-old and think, “That would have been a perfect fit.”

However, knowing in retrospect that I was a troubled kid with low self-esteem and somewhat of an asshole at 18, would I have been a good soldier, sailor, or pilot? Would I have been someone my comrades could depend on? Would I have at least allowed myself to take full advantage of the training and discipline I so obviously needed at that age? Or would military discipline have broken me and driven my self-esteem even further into the dirt?

I expect I would have found a place somewhere in the Forces, but never at an elite level because I just didn’t have the physical abilities (I played basketball in high school, but calling me an athlete would have been pushing it) or the psychological makeup to do what some of our country’s heroes have done when the chips were down. Of course, I would have gained training and experience as my career progressed, but would I have become a different person? That’s another question entirely.

Like most people, I did some things well

Of course, like most people, I can look back from my lofty “last quarter” perch and say I did some things well in my life, melding aspects of my character and identity with certain types of jobs and avocations. I’ve always excelled at academic pursuits, whether during my university years or when obtaining my professional designations, first as a financial planner and later as a property appraiser.

I’ve also held various leadership positions, via owning my own business (including successfully mentoring others), being mayor of a small town, serving as a university senator, and coaching basketball.

And I think I had a positive impact in all of these because they each suited the skills, traits, and talents I do possess and ignored (mostly) the ones I don’t. In that sense, based on personality and background, I almost automatically gravitated toward careers and positions that match what I knew, who I am, and who I could imagine myself to be.

And we all do this, whether we realize it or not.

I never became the Prime Minister – and that’s OK

Looking back, I’m proud of what I accomplished and did reasonably well while accepting that there are choices I would never have had the option to make because of what I knew (or didn’t know) at the time, who I am, and how and where I was raised. As they say in sports, “You are what the standings say you are.”

Needless to say, I never became Prime Minister.

I never had the opportunity to make an impact at the national level, despite thinking that’s exactly what I wanted. But I did, over time, manage to have a positive impact on my family, my town, and even, from time to time, on the two provinces in which I have lived as an adult.

With what I had and what I became, I think I’ve managed to leave my own little corner of the world better than when I found it.

And now, in life’s “last quarter,” that’s more than enough for me.